And I’ll never forget the night we got back together. December 5th. How I was crying and talking about how much I missed and loved you. And you didn’t walk away. You layed on me. Held me close. Held my hand and looked at me with your tell-all eyes. You brought on fresh tears everytime you gently tilted my chin up to look at you. I could see the love in your eyes, in your actions. I could feel in it your touch. But your words didn’t match. You made it sound like you were just comforting. But I knew better. Like ehen i told you kissing me made me confused about how you felt for me and you said you would stop but you still hugged me and held my hand
And then in the kitchen. I told you I had a question to ask but was afraid to know the answer. And after several minutes of your “please ask”. I took a deep breath and sad “I just want to try again.” you said nothing for minutes you said nothing and neither did I. I was terrified at first that my asking would ruin the intimate moment we were then having. More minutes passed by. I had you against the wall by the door way. But you didn’t try to move. You looked away. Which normally would have clued me to give up, but something about the way you held my hands even still inspired me to turn your face to me. “look at me.” I whispered softly. You did. Our noses touched. Eyes closed. Thew first few times I backed away, wanting him to speak as now I was aware he hadn’t responded to my statement. But he kept pulling me in again and again. Noses touching. And I the desire to kiss him became so intense it was hard to control. But I wouldn’t. I would not move in first because I knew if I did, he would kiss me back and I would just become confused all over again. He knew what it would mean if he kissed me. So I tried not to move.
Something in those last few moments made me braver. Our bodies ever so close. Your touch. We could almost hear our heartbeats. We were breathing faster. Our noses touch again and I became aware of my head tilting into you. You didn’t move. Electricity sizzled in the space between our lips and it was unbearable. I’m not sure if it was I that moved in for the kiss first or if it was both but when our lips touched, the energy was release. You kissed me again and again and again and even though I knew what that had to have meant for you but you still hadn’t said anything and I was starting to doubt that maybe it wasn’t what I thought it was. I back away as he leaned in again and searched his face. He moved in for another kiss but I pushed him back gently and shook my head. “I need words. I don’t understand this. You have to use words.” he kissed me again and again when finally “yes.” escaped my lips. As if he was answering the question i had refused to asked before.
I asked for clarification andes I wasn’t goin to get my hopes up for nothing and you said “let’s try again.” I remember the initial rush of shock I felt as those words escaped your lips and I think it was several minutes before the truth of them actually set in.
That was sixteen days ago. you made me the happiest girl in the world that night and you continue to make me happier every day. You’ve told me that I was a mistake to leave. That you regret it and you never stopped loving me.
I feel at home in our arms. And it feels so good to breathe again. I love you more than anything in the world, Travis. My heart is forever yours.
